Would You Let Your Valentine Shock You?
That was a question I asked my husband the other day. And I thought I’d pose it to you as well, because it opens up some fascinating rabbit holes about behavior change, punishment, and what we’re willing to tolerate when we know what’s coming versus when we don’t.
The Pavlok Device: Classical Conditioning Meets Modern Tech
Back in December, I discovered a wearable device called Pavlok—a play on the word “Pavlov.” If you remember your intro psychology, Pavlov was the Russian scientist who conducted experiments on dogs and salivary responses when a bell was rung. He wrote about it in his work on conditional responses.
Fast forward to 2025, and there’s this bracelet you can wear that you can program to either play a tone, vibrate, or deliver an electrical stimulation (a shock, basically—like an e-collar) depending on what you set it to do. Last week, a friend told me she bought one for herself. I have no idea how it’s going for her—I haven’t checked in—but of course I went straight to the website.
The Valentine’s Day Thought Experiment
They were having a Valentine’s Day special: buy one, get one free on the rings (which don’t work quite the same as the bracelets, but still). And that’s when the thought experiment began.
What if you and your Valentine both got the Pavlok bracelet? You could each program your own device to change whatever behavior you wanted—maybe you’re spending too much time on social media, so after a certain amount of time it zaps you to get you off. Maybe you’re slouching. Whatever this thing is capable of addressing.
But here’s the catch: You also get to program ONE thing in your partner’s Pavlok device. One behavior of theirs that you’d like to change. And there’s no debate about this—you’re both on board with the game for whatever crazy reasons. So you get to program one thing on their device, and they get to program one thing on yours.
You’re doing your own behavior change, but you also get to pick one behavior of theirs you’d like to change with this wearable shock collar (it’s even called a “shock clock,” I think).
The Real Question: To Know or Not to Know?
That was the first part of this thought experiment. But then the next question emerged: If you’re both going to play this game and you’re both on board, would you rather KNOW what behavior your partner programmed? Would you rather know what behavior you need to avoid in order to avoid getting shocked, or would you rather NOT know?
Either way, you’re both on board. You’re both playing by the rules of the game. It’s going to happen. But would you rather know what that behavior is so you can avoid it, or would you rather not know?
I want you to take a second to think about this, because it opens up some interesting psychological rabbit holes.
The Psychology of Predictable vs. Unpredictable Punishment
First of all, remember the goal of this device is behavior change. That’s it. The goal of this wearable is behavior change. If the behavior is changed, the goal is accomplished.
But there’s the knowing versus the not knowing. How would you feel if you had this device on you and you were walking around in your daily life and you didn’t know what the behavior was? What behavior is it that my Valentine, my partner, my husband, my wife, my spouse, my best friend—what behavior is it that they want to change so badly that they’re willing to program this little thing to shock me every time I engage in it?
What is that behavior? You’d have no idea. Maybe they’ve never said anything. Maybe they’ve never expressed any displeasure. Or maybe they have, but you don’t know. Maybe there are ten things they’d like to change—you don’t know which one it is.
Or would you rather know upfront? “Hey, I programmed it to zap you when this thing happens. That’s it. If you do it, it’s going to happen.”
Walking Through Your Day in Uncertainty
I got to thinking: How would you feel if you were going through your day and you didn’t know what that thing was? I mean, you’re going to find out probably as soon as it happens, as long as you’re paying attention. But maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re just going through your day, doing your thing, and suddenly you get this random shock. By the time you register it, you’ve done three other things, so you might not actually know what triggered it.
Would you rather go through your day not knowing, kind of looking over your shoulder metaphorically—”What am I going to do that is going to cause this thing?”—or would you rather know upfront?
Does Knowledge Change the Experience of Punishment?
If you do this thing, you’re going to get shocked. Following that line of logic: What is your experience of that shock, that punishment, likely to be if you know it’s coming versus if you don’t know it’s coming and you don’t know what it’s contingent on?
Would that change your experience? Would it feel worse to get zapped not knowing why, or would it be worse to get zapped knowing why? Would the experience be down-regulated or up-regulated for you?
The Dog Training Brain Never Turns Off
All of that stuff came to mind when that Valentine’s Day ad for the Pavlok device floated up. I couldn’t turn my dog training brain off. I couldn’t turn my behavior change brain off. And so I just dove hard down that rabbit hole of “what if” and “does it matter if you know versus you don’t know?”—remembering that the goal is behavior change.
How would it change your experience of moving through your day? And how would it change your experience of the actual punishment that’s coming?
Happy Valentine’s Day. Just wanted to throw that out there for those of you behavior change-interested people—whether it’s dogs or the animal of your choice, including maybe your partner.